Living with pain and isolation is a masked and dangerous place for the soul to be. So many suffer in silence, thinking their assignment to this pain is to carry the loss alone

Patriarch Williams, the author of This Functional Grief Is Killing Me, and the founder of Blue Bean Bag Functional Grief Support hopes to rearrange those unhealthy thought patterns. Helping and supporting one another in our vulnerability is the true reason we are here. We are all connected.

The reality of grief and loss remains a tough subject, it hurts, and it hurts more; everything seems out of sync with order, and no one can replace your journey. You have to go it alone. This realization enabled me to hear what needed to be understood. By witnessing the uncomfortable reactions from others when this subject entered a conversation was unloved validation, that I was to remain stuck, even with the nicest words suggesting why.

As a young adult who had experienced significant losses before eighteen years of age, my role of survival, was a hero and a court jester, full of entertainment for others, lost in their enjoyment of my ability to entertain; all this at the expense of my brokenness. Tears of a Clown become your identity if not careful.

Hurt and loss can completely blindside our standard of living to the point that gut discomfort seems normal. We observe changes in our personal lives and in others, such as, becoming an empty nester, relocating, divorce, graduating, loss of an heirloom, loss of a celebrity, cut off contact with someone, birth of a baby, and so on. Grieving a loss isn’t always death.

This Functional Grief Is Killing Me, is written to assist in one’s grief and loss story, paying tribute to all the brokenness we carry, allowing conversations to be shared. It’s a hard transition, to understand, and not every story has a solution, but we start,

This book is an extension of the work we do at Blue Bean Bag Functional Grief Support. Thank you for being here. Thank you for being brave enough to participate in changing expected conversations around loss and grief.

Sometimes, the battling roles of hero ~vs~ peacemaker can be heavy and resurgent. Having the courage to know the difference between hanging on and letting go without feeling guilty or having feelings of rejection can be the hardest decision to make peace with.